My melancholy has a way of sneaking up on me. So I was feeling some sort of way this past weekend. I wasn’t sure what triggered it. I started thinking about my relationships and one by one I began to consider my ways, actions, and thoughts towards the people in my life. Gradually I drew a map as I would if I were in a board meeting leading a strategy session. I also imagined what these people thought and how they saw me.
My belief is further reinforced that you’re not always the sweet nice person in everyone’s history. You’re the villain in some people’s story, and that it is okay.
I’ll tell 4 stories, 2 on opposite sides.
- A friend whom I’ve been supporting through a trying season told me once. “I mentioned to someone that you’ve been very helpful and that you’ve held my hands through this phase and you’ve given me really useful advice. The person however told me to be weary of you because you have radical views”. Of course I felt very bad about this because honestly, I try to be very objective. I also believe that I am usually very balanced, honest and helpful. All these notwithstanding, someone told my friend that I am not all that.
- An older friend on Facebook whom I actually really like and never thought I’ll offend much less become a stranger to unfriended me. I didn’t even realize this until after a few days/weeks when I noticed I haven’t seen his posts and I decided to search for him. Alas, I noticed we’re no longer connected. He must have judged me not to be worthy of staying friends with, I told myself.
- I organized a grill and drinks get together at mine yesterday and randomly in the midst of chitchatting, one of my friends said to me, “you’re the most fantastic parent and human I know right now and I wish I can go back and incorporate many things I’ve learned just by associating with you in how I raised my child”. Another friend who didn’t attend yesterday sent me a message this morning that triggered this post. She wrote, “I have been reading 5 love languages. My mind keeps going to you while reading it and I think it is because you are the actual proof of improved or healthy communication style I have closest to me right now. I know you spend a lot of time reading books like this. Just wanted to let you know that you are actually embedding those learnings and it’s palpable”.
- At another quick meetup I went to with some friends over the Easter weekend, I ran into a friend and one of the most vocal voices for Bola Tinubu and she said to me, “you’re one of the very few Obidients that is balanced and tolerant”. We talked about many things outside politics and based on some of the things we spoke about, she got home and sent me a text, “Daddy Aremo…You are one of the most genuine, kindest and humane people I know…”
These four stories points out that you’re different things to different people. Accept the fact that not everyone will like you, love you or accept you. You don’t like everyone too. Whilst some of the story may be true characterization of your person based on the events that formed the opinions the individuals hold of you, sometimes they are not. Sometimes they are slander, malicious and even outright character assassination. Give yourself the gift of grace to thrive in spite of it all-good and bad.
Remain authentic and true to yourself. Continue to be centered as per your core values and ideologies. Then take responsibility for your continued growth and ultimately embrace the consequences of our actions and inactions.
Everybody will be alright eventually.
great thoughts as always. thank you!
As shared with you, this article spoke to me on a personal level. Thank you for sharing it with us Nathaniel, happy also to know that there are more articles to read here. Bonne continuation mon ami