So my friends and I were at a beautiful Mexican resort a couple of months ago and oh my God, it was gorgeous. A well deserved break from the chaos my schedule has been lately.
Here’s the gist. The resort was at the time we were there occupied mostly by senior citizens. Aside my friend group and another couple that we met there, I didn’t see any other black person for the period we were there, and what did I do? People-watch! I was busy studying and reading people, mostly old white people that have all come mostly because they were escaping the winter of North America.
At lunch on one of the days, a white lady came to our table and asked if she could sit with us. Of course we obliged her. She went ahead to tell us how gorgeous we all were. This 60+ year old woman confirmed that she has a thing for black men. She’s only ever attracted to black men and she believes we’re God’s best species. Lol! Naija babes will disagree but hey, a prophet is without honour amongst his own people. I digressed. 😁
There was sadness in this lady’s eyes. She was incredibly lonely. She said she missed out on the love of her life. She is a nurse and she once was engaged to a black man, a doctor. They were together for 10 years but didn’t make it to the altar. Her racist family opposed her marrying a black man. She had to let him go. It’s been many years and she still can’t get over the pain of it. She is currently dating another black man. In her words, “he’s not kind to me but I keep him around because I don’t have any other choice”.
If indeed she has no other choice is subject to debate. However, this is her own reality and how she interprets her situation. She was going to be at the resort for only four nights. She came alone because her current construction worker black boyfriend didn’t come with her.
She went ahead to tell the couple that were in our group not to leave each other or make the same mistake she made. “That is something”, I said to myself. I believe her first mistake is leaving a partner that made her happy and her second mistake is not leaving a partner that makes her incredibly sad. So leaving or not leaving is not the advice. To constantly reach within and ask the critical questions should be the advice. Am I being treated fairly? Do I want more out of my life and relationships and is this person committed to growing with me? Are we on the same journey? Are they excited about life and are they invested in the relationship as I am?
Your answers to these questions will determine if you should leave or stay. Neurology is different from person to person and so also is how we process information and situations. I understand some people are more predisposed to responding to life and pain with patience and they have more tolerance than others. Also, the complexity of our personalities may affect how we see or respond to relationships, still, I believe in the fundamental idea that our lives spent with other people must not be characterized majorly by misery caused by the people we spend the said life with!
My dearly loved Egbon.
Thank you for this timeless piece.
You have no idea how much it’s blessed me and the number of questions it’s answered.
Love you dearly sir.
I agree with you. The questions asked and the answers are necessary for any individual to assess their relationship. Life is not meant to be spent in misery with whoever one decides to spend life with. I am thankful for being able to leave at the moment. The misery spent in 5months back then every time I remember how things played out made me realize that I deserved to be treated with love fairly and it was that or nothing for me